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Writer's pictureNahaleh Doroudian

What's Love Got To Do With It?

It's been a minute since I've allowed myself to get back to my writing. Life has a funny way of getting you caught up with the doing and going day after day. Not that it's a bad thing necessarily, but it can be when it distracts you from getting in touch with your inner being guiding you to your passions. I talk a lot about passions and the connections it has to your true authentic self. I talk a lot of LOVE. Self love and the love that exists in the world around you. We have spoken about self love in the recent years with even greater emphasis. We hear others say how self love is so important, but do we REALLY work on it within ourselves? Are we really trying? If we are trying, what actions are we taking to do so? I recently watched a show on Netflix titled "Love is Blind" UK edition. It's actually a brilliant way to test finding love without seeing the other person and dating them within pods that the person sits in alone having conversations with a potential mate on the other side of the wall. The intention is to fall in love and get married at the end of it by speaking with a stranger daily for 2 weeks or so and then having the guy propose. They then get to spend time with other couples that also become engaged, then they go back to London in a personal space provided by the show. They get to spend another 2-3 weeks together, meeting friends and family. At the end they have the wedding set up, gowns, tuxes, venue and guests. They walk down the aisle and decide there in front of everyone if they do indeed say "I do." One of the girls went through a complete self transformation of self love. Her "I don't" for now was because through this experience of feeling moments of jealousy, insecurity, and possible rejection, she found her strength and a newer, better version of herself. She struggled with her self image and if she was good enough and through this experience found that self love. I know it's a show and you may be saying it's all made up, but doesn't this sound like what many of us have experienced throughout our lives? The other girls struggled with previous toxic relationships and not feeling good enough or have been cheated on. All of these experiences have led to self doubt, self sabotage and us rejecting who we are on the inside for the sake of approval from others. The others being our parents, friends, partners and society. We can sit here and ask why we do this to ourselves but that is not important. What IS important is recognizing this pattern of behavior and putting a stop to it. How you ask? By being strong and bold enough to know who you are is good enough. Having to change your identity or personality to please others is not only exhausting, but detrimental to your growth. If you've seen the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts, she did exactly just that. She went from man to man and pretended to love everything he did, even down to taste in foods. When it came to walking down the aisle, she ran away. Every single time. Basically, she was running from herself and rejecting herself through her actions. She thought if she pleased her partner, she would in turn be pleased with herself and it never worked out. It wasn't until her last relationship called her out, that the self work and transformation started. It was then that she accepted herself for all of her qualities. I recently read a profound and beautiful quote by Carl Rogers that is pertinent to this post. He says, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.” This process and transformation takes time and patience like everything else in life. Time and PATIENCE.


Watching a show like "Love is Blind" was such a gift for me. I was not judging anyone of these people but had so much love for them being brave enough to come on television and bare their insecurities especially on love. They spoke about how parents influenced their decisions, religion, partners, upbringings, etc. I was able to listen to different scenarios and look at my own life currently and think how blessed I was to have taken these past 5 years specifically to do the "dirty" work within. I was able to really dive deep into the trenches of my being and soul and bring up all the yucky parts I kept hidden away both consciously and subconsciously. I was truly able to revisit past relationships and forgive them and myself for thinking I did things the wrong way and that was possibly why most of them never worked out. I was never taught early in life about the law of attraction so I couldn't understand how I attracted them and kept banging around the same types of guys that were not helping me become a better version of myself. That's really what I strive for is to always find the people and partner that help aspire me to constantly become a better version of myself for the better and not for me to change because they need me to. It will never happen again. I have made a promise to myself and my soul that I will never be a lesser version of who I am. I will not bend over backwards to make others feel better or happier like I did for over 30 years of my life while putting my needs and desires on the back burner. I have learned that everyone has their own journey and I am not here to force him or her on how to make changes and live his or her life in the ways I did. That is, unless they come to me asking me what I have done to get to where I am in life. I will openly be happy to share my life journey and how I was able to find true happiness through my mentors, books, movies and more. If we really pay attention to the shows, movies and books we surround ourselves with, some are sending us messages and signals to pay attention. My anthem song is "My Way" and I really did it my way with integration of the best ways of others as well. We may not all be ready for that self discovery in this lifetime and that is what years of self work taught me. I can only serve to inspire others to want to make changes on their own. Leading by example and letting others come to me if they feel inspired.


So when asked "what's love got to do with it?" I say EVERYTHING. It is the foundation of what makes our world go around. If you are lacking love or feel it doesn't exist, I strongly urge you to go to a dog park and watch the love these animals have. True unconditional love. Watch babies and toddlers. They can help show you true unconditional love by their smiles and laughter. We tend to lose the smiles and laughter at times due to the conditions in the world and around our own world. It’s human nature. So I believe it can be helpful to experience all the doubts, self criticism, and rejections (even though it didn't feel good at the time) and come out of it all once the work has been done and be proud of where you are today. Some people wait until they're way older to figure it out and that's ok. I LOVE receiving confirmation when I write these articles and as I'm sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops, just now the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz came on and the lines that I want to share are "look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love....and it's our godforsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved." Do you believe in synchronicities? Do you believe in magic? Do you blow your birthday candles out and make a wish? Well if you do then a part of you does believe. The Universe hears your wishes and your angels and guides do too. All you need to do is heed to the guidance, signs and callings that are guiding you to all that you have wanted. In the words of Tinkerbell "all you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust." If we can't have a little Disney fun, then what is the point of living at all? Keep your faith, trust and even try to spread a little of your own pixie dust. The world needs it. The world needs you.



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